As we approach the end of 2024, our calendars can become overpopulated with additional work tasks or social commitments. For many, the end of year is often associated with increased deadlines and extra work hours. Additionally, end of year events with friends and family can lead to a busy social calendar and financial strain. These additional commitments towards the end of year are often a recipe for stress and burnout. A way to combat the overwhelming pressures during this time of year is to learn the power of saying “no”. Many people find this hard to do and fear disappointing friends, family or coworkers. However, saying “no” may help to preserve your time and energy. Saying “no” may lead to reduced stress, increased well-being and provide more meaningful experiences when you do eventually spend time with loved ones.
Why Saying “No” can be so Hard (especially during the holiday season)
There is a lot of social pressure during the holiday season to commit to plans. This pressure can be especially high for individuals who have long-standing traditions with family members, friends or even cultural-religious groups. The common fears associated with saying “no” include disappointing others, fear of missing out or appearing rude and unhelpful. These challenges with saying “no” may exist outside of the holiday season and may become exacerbated at this time of year due to the extra demands on your time. For some, saying “no” at work may also be a challenge. Many organisations have peaks in workload towards the end of the year, with clients requesting delivery of work before their holiday closure. This can result in increased pressures to work longer hours and complete tasks by the end of the year.
The benefits of Saying “No”
There are many benefits to saying “no”, especially during the festive season. Rather than being jam packed with tasks and activities, this time of year can be an opportunity to have less things going on. Typically, organisations schedule breaks, and school/ university terms end, leaving you with a rare opportunity to pursue other things such as hobbies and personal interests. Saying “no” may provide you with the time you need to pursue these interests.
Saying “no” may also have positive benefits for your mental health. Having too many events planned may limit your time to recharge at the end of the year. It may also increase feelings of stress due to the added burden from preparing for the events or the costs associated with them. Saying “no” to some things supports you to achieve a healthy balance between socialising and self care.
Overcommitting to plans can be stressful and time consuming- often resulting in exhaustion and little enjoyment in plans made. The festive season may lead you to try and jam pack every social gathering into a small time frame. As a result, you may not be fully present at the planned social events, because you’re already thinking about other plans or tasks you need to accomplish. By slowing down and saying “no” to some events, you may be able to enjoy and savour the moment with the people you spend time with.
In a work context, saying “no” strategically empowers you to manage your workload in the lead up to the end of the year. Strategically saying “no” involves making a conscious decision about the work tasks you need to focus on and complete before the end of the year. In doing so, you decide which tasks are less urgent and can be picked up in the new year. By focusing on essential tasks and delaying less time-sensitive ones, you can maintain both your well-being and the quality of your work.
Saying “No” with Grace and Confidence
Whilst declining social invites or requests may sound difficult, there are strategies that can be used to make the process easier. Firstly, it’s important to prioritise your commitments and identify your non-negotiables. Everyone’s priorities will be different- and that’s OK! Some people may choose to prioritise time for cultural obligations, completing work tasks, or seeing family. Whilst others may need to prioritise time for themselves and indulge in self care after a long year. Once you identify what is most important, you can use this information to help guide decisions about what to say “no” to.
Sometimes, you say “yes” to plans without having thought it through and before you know it, you’re overwhelmed with plans. Guha (2021) suggests before accepting social invitations, to ask yourself the following questions;
- Do I have the time, energy and money for this at the moment?
- Do I want to do this?
- Will this add value to my life?
- Am I saying yes, only because I’m afraid of saying no?
These questions may help you to pause and understand how important the event is to you. This may help prioritise events that align with your values, goals and needs at the time.
Sometimes, saying “no” directly may feel a little uncomfortable. Luckily, there are a number of ways to politely decline a request or invitation. Try the following phrases next time:
I’d love to see you. I have a lot on over the next few weeks, can we try for next month instead?
This phrase politely declines the offer whilst maintaining interest and follow up for a later date. Following up for a different time can demonstrate your continued interests and reflect your reasoning for declining the invitation as purely related to your schedule.
I don’t have time to do X at the moment, but I could do Y instead.
This option can be used when you’re unable to fully commit to an event or request, but have time to commit to something smaller.
I need to check what I have on, can I get back to you later?
This phrasing is perfect for when you’d prefer to take some time and consider your options before committing to an invitation or request. This prevents impulsive decisions and a sneaky build up of events.
I really appreciate the invite, but I have a lot on at the moment and won’t be able to make it.
This approach is very direct but genuine. Most people will understand that you are busy and will respect the honesty of your answer.
My schedule is pretty full at the moment, I can help out if that changes or you could try speaking with X about it.
This option may be helpful, particularly in a work context. It may be useful if you’re unavailable to help with someone’s request, but know of someone with more time or passion for the activity.
I’m happy to help with that task, but it means I won’t be able to complete this other task. Which one would you prefer that I work on?
This response respectfully highlights your busy work schedule, whilst considering the needs of others. This response allows you to maintain your workload, while also prioritising the needs of the workplace.
Setting Boundaries Beyond the Holidays
Although the end of the year is always a busy time, this principle can be applied in everyday life. Copley (2024) suggests that prioritising boundaries, assertiveness and self care is crucial to navigating the balance between maintaining healthy relationships and prioritising one’s own needs. Setting boundaries can look like setting aside one day a week for time with your partner or family. It can also look like establishing days where you don’t make social plans, due to an already full schedule. Communicating these boundaries can establish a respect for them with others and may prevent resentment or burnout. Communicating boundaries is something that should be done assertively. Practicing assertiveness can help build the confidence and communication skills to express boundaries firmly without appearing passive or aggressive.
If you need support to learn assertive communication skills, you may find it helpful working with someone who can provide specific advice tailored to your needs. Psychologists can provide evidence-based guidance to improve your assertive communication skills and boost your wellbeing.
Focus on what’s Important
Throughout this holiday season, it’s important to take the time to prioritise what’s important when committing to plans. The end of the year is an excellent time to spend with family and friends- but it’s also an excellent opportunity to spend time taking care of yourself before the new year. By embracing the word “no”, you can enjoy this holiday season on your own terms. Remember, prioritising your wellbeing is not just a gift to yourself, but also to the ones around you.
If you need support to say no more confidently, schedule a free 15 minute consultation to find out how I can help.
References
How (And Why) to Say No | Psychology Today Australia
How to Say No & Master the Art of Personal Freedom
Disclaimer – this blog is for education and information purposes only. It does not constitute individual advice. The information contained in this post may not be applicable or appropriate for everyone. If you need support, consider seeking individualised support.
