From the outside, everything looks fine. You’re meeting deadlines. You’re turning up to meetings, answering emails, doing what needs to be done. Nobody has noticed anything is wrong, and that’s partly because there’s nothing obvious to notice.
Inside, it’s different. You might feel flat or don’t have energy for things like you used to. You’re tired in a way that sleep doesn’t seem to fix and getting through the day takes more effort than it used to. You might not even call it depression. It might just feel like you’ve lost that motivation for things and you’re not sure why.
This is what people often mean by high functioning depression. It’s not a clinical diagnosis, and you won’t find it in any diagnostic manual. It’s a term that people use for a real experience they have where they continue to function, and to perform, while quietly struggling underneath.
Why it’s easy to miss
Depression doesn’t always look like depression. When we think of depression we might think of someone unable to get out of bed, visibly upset, or unable to work. For a lot of professionals, it can show up differently. An ongoing feeling flatness, that things feel hard or simply going through the motions.
That’s part of what makes it hard to spot. The very qualities that built your career, including discipline, reliability and a high tolerance for pushing through, are also what allow you to keep performing long after things have stopped feeling okay. You keep delivering and showing up, so nobody notices or asks. And because you’re still on top of things, you might downplay how you’re feeling.
There’s a common trap here for the people I work with. When your sense of yourself is bound up with being capable and reliable, admitting that you’re struggling can feel like admitting failure. So, instead you might try to push harder, mask it more thoroughly, and the gap between how things look outwardly and how your feel gets wider.
What it can look like
There’s no checklist to tick off, and this isn’t a way to diagnose yourself. But some experiences come up often with the professionals I work with:
- Everything feels flat. Not necessarily sad, just flat. Things that used to bring satisfaction feel muted, and it might be hard to generate much feeling in either direction.
- You’re tired in a way rest doesn’t seem to fix. You sleep, or you don’t sleep, but either way you wake up feeling depleted. Some people find themselves sleeping much more than usual; others lie awake with their mind turning over.
- The inner voice has become harsher. A running commentary about not doing enough, not being good enough, letting people down, or that you have no right to complain about how you’re feeling.
- You’re irritable over small things. Minor disruptions feel bigger than they should. You find yourself short tempered with colleagues or the people at home, then feel guilty about it.
- You’re masking most of the time. We all present a version of ourselves at work. But if you’re regularly showing up as “fine” just to get through the day, and it’s taking real effort to maintain.
- You’ve quietly withdrawn. Fewer social plans, less contact with people, dropping the things you used to do outside work, usually justified as being too busy or too tired.
If several of these have been true for a while, weeks or months rather than just a symptom of a bad fortnight, it might be worth paying attention to.
What tends to help
Depression tends to make life smaller. It pulls you away from the things that gives life meaning, and it makes the very actions that would help feel least exhausting or overwhelming. So the way forward usually isn’t waiting to feel more motivated. Motivation tends to follow action rather than precede it (Ekers et al., 2014).
- Start smaller than feels reasonable. A common pattern I see with the clients I work with is to try and fix it all at once with an ambitious plan. This can feel overwhelming and sets you up to fail. Smaller, specific steps are far more likely to build momentum.
- Reconnect with what matters to you. Depression often involves drifting away from the things that give your life meaning. Deliberately reintroducing one of them, even if it’s in a scaled down version is often where things start to turn.
- Act before you feel like it. Waiting until you want to do something can mean waiting a long time. Getting started when you aren’t motivated can feel hard. Taking small steps first is usually what helps. Over time, the actions you take may help shift your mood and improve your motivation.
- Change your relationship with thoughts. How we experience our thoughts can have a powerful effect on how we feel. Learning to notice your thoughts and get some distance from them may help to reduce the impact they have.
- Focus on the basics. Sleep, food, movement and social contact aren’t a silver bullet but they often help. If any of these have fallen away, they might be worth attending to. Pick one and make a small change.
- Tell one person. Not everyone, just one person you trust. A lot of the weight of this comes from carrying it on your own.
When to get support
If this has been going on for a while, if it’s affecting your work or relationships, or if you’re finding it hard to see things improving, it might be worth talking to someone. That might be your GP, or a psychologist.
You don’t need to have hit a crisis point to justify getting support. In fact, the professionals I see often wait far longer than they need to,.
If you’re in distress right now, or having thoughts of harming yourself, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 000 in an emergency. Support is available, and you don’t have to manage it alone.
I work with professionals navigating burnout, low mood and the pressures of demanding work. My approach is practical and forward-focused: understanding what’s driving things, and building sustainable ways to work and live.
If you’d like to talk about what’s been going on, you’re welcome to book a free 15-minute intake call.
Disclaimer – this newsletter is for education and information purposes only. It does not constitute individual advice. The information contained in this newsletter may not be applicable or appropriate for everyone. If you need support, consider seeking individualised support from a qualified health professional.
References
Ekers, D., Webster, L., Van Straten, A., Cuijpers, P., Richards, D., & Gilbody, S. (2014). Behavioural activation for depression: An update of meta-analysis of effectiveness and sub group analysis. PLOS ONE, 9(6), e100100. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0100100
